We’ve been known for beating a dead Ugg.

Will someone please explain to me why Uggs still exist? What am I missing? I fail to understand. These things are basically prehistoric, being, oh, 5 or 6 years out the gate now. Is it because little fluffy dogs are fashion items too now, so you need boots that ordinarily only Australian shepherds wear to match? Is it because Paris Hilton wears them? Is it because women are oddly turned on by the smell of foot odor mixing with faux-sheepskin and sweat? Would someone in the fashion industry please get a grip and toss these damn things onto the ashheap of horrible clothing ideas, a la socks with birkenstocks and unshaved metrosexual hipster dudes. God help us all.

And anyway, I think the fact that you prefer placing your feet in the equivalent of a uncirculated AC in a car full of flatulent toddlers as opposed to a nice ocean breeze suggests the odor has not only caused olfactory fatigue, but in fact caused permanent damage. No wonder these things are still popular. They’ve lobotomized the unsuspecting public!